Part 1: The Silent Wounds of Empathy

Empathy, without a doubt, is the foundation for care, connection, intimacy and building a sense of belonging and community.

An empathic individual is someone who is deeply attuned to the emotional undercurrents in others. They have a stronger sense of intuition and are able to sense subtle energetic vibrations that colour our daily interactions with life.

Empaths are easy to fall in love with. Their attention, care, attunement, and unconditional desire to merge to experience oneness is not only admirable, it is intoxicating. They have a way of existing within the thin veil between reality and fantasy that inevitably makes them a muse.

They are often recognised for their innate compassion, kindness, generosity, gentleness, wisdom, and the ability to witness and mirror parts of you that even you may have kept hidden from yourself.

They carry this energy of openness that feels inviting, soft, comfortable and safe.

Until these very traits start to feel unsafe - as the saying goes ‘too much of a good thing, can be bad’.

When love and light becomes an identity to uphold, many highly sensitive and empathic individuals lack awareness into their own shadow patterns and behaviours.

Without conscious integration of the shadow and light, many get entangled in the emotional drama of it all and this leads them to shut down, shut out, and carry the heaviness of feeling misunderstood in life.

For empaths to feel whole it is not enough to embody the light that draws others in.

Just as essential - if not more - is recognising, acknowledging and integrating the shadow patterns that feed the aching emptiness during quiet moments: ‘I am just not enough’.

Below are some of the unconscious ways in which empaths lose their way.

  1. Do I Exist?

Empaths are born with the karmic blueprint of needing to maintain a separate identity without losing themselves under the guise of ‘being in service’. Many are born into families where their energy is used to fill a void within the relational dynamic - you exist as the glue for the family.

Taking on the emotional undertone of whoever they are with, they lack the sense that they are an individual and this leads to lack of clear boundaries. They grow up overly identified with their close relationships to feel complete.

By the time they reach adulthood, their identity is deeply embedded in the role of a rescuer, which unconsciously gives meaning to their existence.

They lack awareness of their own needs, wants and desires in a relationship. Lost in a fog, needing someone to mirror their existence they remain unaware of their own values, beliefs, opinions, thoughts and feelings.

Unbeknownst to them, they become martyrs - sacrificing their own right to live in order to ‘save loved ones or the world’, ‘be the light’, ‘ the one who awakens others’, etc.

Their greatest fear is being seen as powerless, without a purpose. How can they exist when they’re not entangled in a rescue operation? The real threat is that their survival is dependent of the other surviving.

The Medicine:

To begin to embody their worth simply because they breathe.

Their presence is only in service to the life force energy, not the world.

Each heart beat is a reminder of their healing capacity without the need to do, say or be anything other than who they already are.

Self-inquiry:

  • What would it feel to belong to yourself?

  • How might life rise to support you, when you are not exhausted from abandoning yourself in pursuit of supporting others?

  • What if your feelings, needs, wants and desires truly mattered, what would your life look like?

2. Distorted Intuition

An empaths greatest power is their intuition - clear, strong and often accurate. The lack of awareness on its purpose often results in its misuse to feed projections, overpower or belittle others to feel in control.

The sole purpose of intuition is to provide support, guidance and fulfil a soul contract aligned with the individual’s evolution. It is not meant to be used to cross energetic boundaries or project one’s own perception of life onto others.

When intuition gets entangled with unprocessed trauma, it stops being sacred and turns into a weapon - used to manipulate emotions in order to feed a false sense of safety.

This often shows up as playing victim or an attempt to gain power to establish autonomy, especially when feeling out of control.

Intuition is a sacred gift. To develop a healthy relationship with it is to know how to respect it first.

When tuning into others emotional state, ask yourself:

  • How is this serving my own evolution in this moment?

If you feel drawn to offer support:

  • Pause

  • Check in first with yourself

  • Are these my own projected feelings?

  • If no, would it be appropriate to offer my support?

If yes, extend your heart and lead with curiosity, not ego.

  • You have been on my mind - how are you doing?

If the other person opens their inner world to you, you have permission to offer what you sense.

If not, it is not your place. Step back.

The Medicine:

Every individual has their own unique relationship with intuition and it’s guided through their emotions and experiences.

Show reverence to this channel of communication.

It is not to be misused for unconscious ego stories. It is to experience divine intervention i.e. flashes of insight that guide you back to your path.

Self-inquiry:

  • How am I using my intuition to deepen my faith?

  • In what ways can my intuition enhance connection rather than stay stuck in feelings of superiority or inferiority?

  • How can I learn to interpret my intuition to be of service for my own wellbeing?

3. In Between Worlds

Empaths often interact with life through a deeply mystical lens. They may appear to be gently floating in a space of endless possibilities - untethered to the heaviness of earthly existence. This is a highly seductive energy, feeding into mystery and inviting curiosity:

Where are they? What are they looking at? How can I access that too?

Indeed, many dwell in other realms - where it feels expansive, supportive and welcomes their desires without any responsibility, a safe haven from the harsh, sometimes traumatic realities of earthly life.

There is nothing wrong with fantasy.

Fantasy is a powerful breeding ground for creative flow, artistic inspiration and an opening into the quantum field of infinite possibilities.

It turns problematic when one cannot return and integrate the dream(s) into a reality. This creates confusion and paranoia, further deepening the disconnection.

For example, the sky is expansive and beautiful because we are rooted to the Earth, looking up. Without the solid ground of Earth, the sky loses it magic.

The Medicine:

Imagination is the lifeline to life force energy.

It supports manifestation when aligned with soul purpose.

It births creativity in a way that cannot be accessed from the conditioned mind.

Fantasy, when embodied, steps out of the human ego and into soul consciousness.

So, it becomes important to transverse this landscape with discernment.

To return, each time.

To the present moment.

To the here and now.

Through your breath, your heart beat.

Back into your body.

Remember, to invite your creative imagination to birth to to something real, not just stay suspended in fantasy.

Self-inquiry:

  • What feels unsafe in my current reality that makes you want to dissociate into fantasy?

  • What ways are my fantasies supporting my real life?

  • How can I bridge the gap between imagination and grounded presence?

  • What parts of me need healing to feel safe in my body, again?

I trust this has been valuable to explore.

I’ve chosen to address just three shadow aspects in this piece of writing.

There will be a Part 2 in due course.

If you feel called to go deeper, to learn more and begin integrating these shadow aspects so you can become the medicine - for yourself and others, please reach out.

It would be a pleasure to walk this journey with you.

To read about my offerings, click here.

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