Loneliness is not a punishment, its a portal
Can you think of anyone who hasn’t experienced bouts of loneliness?
I imagine the answer is no.
You and everyone is in a private war with loneliness as though its sheer existence is a constant reminder of the disappointment of being human.
Loneliness doesn’t just touch you when you are down, it shows up when you least expect it.
Just when you thought getting married would eliminate feelings of loneliness, you sense its presence. You assume having a child would bring unlimited connection, moving to a new country would fill you with renewed hope, meeting someone with similar values would feed your need for belonging etc., would make loneliness disappear?
Surprise! Its been there all along.
No matter how much you try to fight, resist, or pretend it does not exist, you know that it is inevitable. It shows up as that cold suffocating hold against your throat where you cannot breath - that first imminent sign of ‘death by loneliness’ lurking just around the corner.
In truth, loneliness is not a punishment, its a portal.
Loneliness rears its ugly head only when you are disconnected from your heart, i.e. when you have lost your way from recognising what it means to be alive.
It may feel like punishment during times where:
you prioritised love for another while neglecting your own needs and lost your way back to your heart
you sacrificed your unique individuality to fit in and forgot your true gift of being an individual
you learnt to live with co-dependency out of fear of not knowing how to exist as your wholesome presence and let someone take control over defining your worth
your ego attached your value to material success and dishonoured your soul’s need for energetic fulfilment
you shrunk yourself to feel accepted and dimmed your light enough to go unwitnessed and unnoticed
you played cool to pretend are not emotionally affected and in turn became cold enough to not feel the warmth of human connection
you overpowered others to feel almighty and took away the essence of empowering your own soul through the gift of witnessing another
The common thread here is your inability to honour and connect with the life force through your own unique energy template.
The pain you experience from loneliness feels so unbearable that it invites you to stop. Stop so that you don’t drift further away from your own essence.
The pain that accompanies most evolutionary growth processes, such as this, is the way we are designed as humans to pay attention to energetic dissonance.
Which is why the pain opens up as the portal, a rite of passage.
Just like the birthing canal contracts and expands and a mother while in pain is opening a portal up for new life to enter, the pain you experience when lonely is also birthing a deeper, richer and more aligned version of yourself.
So when you find yourself at the entrance of this portal, no matter how harsh it feels - the discomfort, restlessness, hopelessness, pain, overwhelm, suffocation, fear etc it is possible to meet it with grace by inviting a gentle witnessing of this process.
(It helps to get the right support /co-regulation with someone who can be with loneliness and teach you how to interact with it with great care and tenderness)
This rite of passage cannot be rushed or forced.
It opens and closes on its own timing to reveal parts of you that have been neglected. And when you give yourself the permission to grieve and reclaim those parts of you;
in those moments of deep silence, you begin to feel a subtle energy that cannot be seen, heard, touched or even made sense of.
It is that of a tiny seed breaking through to re-emerge with renewed light.
And grow it does into your innate ability to hold yourself as light itself - not loud, not performative, not even wanting to be seen.
It just is, as pure presence.
And what does pure presence do?
It magnetises you and positively impacts the way you show up in relationships, work, community and in life. The kind that is quietly powerful and there is no denying that.
If you struggle with loneliness and are tired of dealing with the egoic mind and are now eager to bring depth, wisdom, grace and reverence to meet this humbling rite of passage, I invite you to take a look at my offerings.