Starry-eyed monster of idealism
Idealisation is a common pitfall for many.
Perfect in our imperfections, we continue to strive to better ourselves, in our quest for freedom, one that is filled with hope towards nirvana.
While on this path, we often stumble upon certain individuals who embody a version of self that we aspire to be.
No sooner are we left mesmerised by their presence only to find ourselves day dreaming of them dancing with unicorns because they were somehow the ‘chosen ones’.
At different stages we have idealised our parents, teachers, lovers, friends and even strangers seeking inspiration as a form of realistic magic.
However, when we hold these people on a pedestal of unattainable success, we turn ourselves into starving children sitting on the sidelines eagerly waiting to be fed back to existence.
My first experience of an ideal human was my father.
Becoming a parent at the age of 50, brought with it a sense of maturity and tenderness that I was lucky to experience, as his only child. This didn't last long with his sudden demise when I was 14 years old.
With my father gone just before the raging teenage hormones kicked into gear, my memory of him had frozen in time. And the years that followed, I grieved not only for the loss of a parent but also this ideal masculine presence in my life that I had grown immensely attached to.
What impact did this have on me?
An expectation of men that existed beyond reality. I yearned for the same quality of presence that my nervous system had so wonderfully found safety in during my younger years.
As I swayed between this murky veil of reality versus illusion with great instability, projections of this illusion leaked onto the men that I had interest to relate intimately with during my adult life.
It was only when I opened myself to grief and allowed the grace of longing to exist within without the fear of loss that the idealised version of the masculine begin to disintegrate.
A fine line between inspiration and escapism, idealisation can be a form of safety, a protective sheath granting us permission to judge, dismiss and disengage with reality.
How much safety can there really be if the very inspiration we are seeking isn’t grounded in the real world that we wish to experience it in?
Inspiration expands to release all attachments.
Idealisation contracts creating more attachments.
There is nothing wrong with idealising as long as they is a way to integrate that into the real world.
Below are some self-inquiry questions to help with the process:
What beliefs, values, hopes and dreams that are yours have you projected onto another?
How can the inspiration you seek outside of yourself be accessed from within?
What ideals have you created in love, work, friendships, family and life that have helped escape reality?
What are you missing in your current reality that you yearn to experience that feels like a fantasy?
What would you feel if your your ideal fantasy turned into reality, would you be happy, overwhelmed, disappointed or unable to integrate?
Ultimately, the essence of idealism is simply a deep yearning to experience the meeting of the unseen realms within you, manifest into reality.
May the starry-eyed monster of idealisation pave a wondrous path to a safe reality, grounded in inspiration.