Loss is an inevitable experience of life
"The fear of loss will always feel more intense than the experience of loss itself."
If you really had a choice, what would you choose?
Live with the fear forever or actually experience the loss?
Come to think of it, is there even a choice? None of us want to experience loss, no matter how aesthetically gift-wrapped it may be.
Loss became my painful yet intimate friend from a very young age. Since I was never really taught how to build a graceful relationship with loss I, like most of us, developed a strong resistance and an overwhelming emotional reaction towards it.
Like a warrior fighting against the forces of nature, I unconsciously adopted ways to self-preserve:
Numb myself yet pretend ‘I am fine’
Lash out or withdraw
Play the victim
Blame existence
Any guesses, who won?
Each passing year I became more dejected, disconnected, lonely and exhausted. My intention was to stop the pain yet somewhere along the line my fear of loss had turned into fear of life!
Then one day, I stopped.
I closed my eyes and courageously undressed.
The saw my protective armour lying on the floor, next to me.
I felt raw, exposed and vulnerable.
And then I waited, patiently.
For pain to wash all over me.
For loss to consume me.
For death to end me.
And sure enough, it came.
Just not in the way I had expected.
A feeling of tenderness took over my heart
Awaiting with open arms, I sensed a presence
She gazed into my eyes and whispered
“Welcome home. I may be known as death
but I am the One, the ultimate portal for all of creation”
I continued to experience waves of emotional pain pulse throughout my whole body.
The tears flowed like a endless fountain spring yet I was breathing in life again, what felt like for the very first time.
My mind had quietened, there were no more stories to attach to.
Just my heart open, soft and connected.
And the greatest gift of all?
An emergence of an undying devotion to the darkness that is death. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, everything will be, what will be.
And so here we are, three reasons why loss is an inevitable experience in our existence:
Life and death co-exist
Where there is light, there is life thereby creation. Where there is darkness, there is death thereby transformation. Life and death are two sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other. Birth cannot happen without death.
Still doubtful?
Ponder this, would there be an inhale if there was no exhale?
Balance the egoic mind
Our ego-based identity or personality is an integral part of our sacred expression in this world. However, when we lose ourselves to our power hungry quest to satisfy our ego,
loss invites humility and grace as a reminder that our cloakes of egoic identity will eventually find its way back, six feet under, right where it came from - the womb of creation.
Transitional existence
The nature of life is cyclic and transitional, no matter how much our minds may resist this way of being. With each transition (e.g. baby to a toddler, a teenage to an adult, student to working, single to married, married to single, young to old, etc) where we step out of one and into another is a portal of death and transformation.
We are, after all, releasing one form of identity and stepping into another.
Life invites us to practice reverence to these portals in-between the transitions.
You are who you are today because, not in-spite, of these portals.
In closing, I want to remind you that your fear of loss may feel real but your relationship with loss is sacred.
When you gently begin to witness your attachments without force, pressure or expectations, your fear transforms into one of reverence.
If in the face of soul-destroying darkness you still have an heartbeat, then there is love. Love for nothing more than the darkness itself.
Should you be seeking a soul-mirror to support you through your fear of loss, or witness your loss without trying to dedicate what your experience should feel or look like, then please drop me a message or book a session here.