Hiding our true feelings to avoid conflict

We hide our true feelings to avoid conflict, be judged or be seen as different. It can be very threatening to our nervous system to willingly share anything that could potentially create conflict, judgement, separation or even kill us.

Most of us, if not all, have experienced emotionally challenging life situations that have left us feeling raw, exposed and extremely vulnerable. We also learn early on that expressing our feelings makes us weak and that they get in the way of success.

So we hide our true feelings as a way to protect ourselves from further emotional distress. We believe that we are safe within our protective armour and unconsciously disengage from our body.

Ever remember being attracted to someone but behaving in a way that show disinterest when we are around them?
How about when we disagree with our friend, partner or co-worker yet we nod in agreement, to keep the peace?

‘We don't want to hurt them’, we helplessly cry, quietly suppressing the nagging feeling inside - our clarity radar that says that something’s not quite right.

In time, the outcome of such interactions leave us feeling numb, disconnected or blaming others for our own misgivings.

Wisdom of our feelings

• Feelings are dynamic and nonlinear, moving to the rhythm of the body, not the mind
  
  
• They communicate through the sacred language of energy, our only task is to listen to how this energy wishes to move through our body
  
  
• Feelings is our only source towards deep intimacy with each other
  
  
• Feelings are our body’s way of keeping us safe, they are not meant to cause us further emotional distress
   
• Challenging feelings arises from our primal need to survive, if we disconnect or suppress we usually feel unsafe
  
  
• When we disconnect with one feeling, we generally disconnect with all feelings, even the ecstatic ones
  
  

Our feelings are inter-connected just like the organs in our body.
The function of the heart is intrinsically connected to the function of kidneys and so on. Similar the feelings of sadness is intrinsically connected to the feelings of joy.
Shutting one feeling or emotion, results in the shutting down of all our sensory perceptions of life - the good, bad and beautiful.

Honouring our feelings

• Breathe into the sensation and observe what texture it has - does it have a smell, colour, sound? Does it have a message?
  
  
• Be curious about how the  feeling is showing up to keep us safe
  
  
• Ask how the feeling wishes to express itself without hurting us or another
  
  
• Practice care and love towards our feelings and emotions like we would to someone we love
  
  

When we can acknowledge that our feelings are not meant to harm us but guide us in our life journey, they start to feel less terrifying and become more of  a loving presence to breathe into with trust.