Reclaiming my motherland and trauma · Pavitra Gurumurthi Transition Mentor
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Reclaiming my motherland and trauma

Reclaiming my motherland and trauma

Today, 26th December 2019, is the Annular Solar Eclipse in the sign of my Moon.
Moon representing home, emotions, comfort, safety and security.

Coincidentally I find myself back on my motherland, having just landed only a few hours ago.

As the plane taxied to station in the wee hours of the morning, my body trembled with stored memories of trauma.

I observed my feelings.

It felt different.
This time, there were no more stories attached.

I reflect back to 15 years ago when I first left India.
Very different energy, one that was filled with disappointment, disconnection, isolation and pain.

At the time, the exact words of a traumatised 22-year-old to her mother, ‘I am never coming back to this pain and India ever again’.

And I carried this pain in my body every time I visited.

It’s been 6 years, since my mother’s passing.
6 years since my last visit.
But 15 years since my last rejection of my past that continuously feeds into my present and my future.

TODAY, HERE I AM.

As I experience the sun kissing my skin this morning, I feel a strange sensation.

To say nothing. To do nothing.

To just BE.

Observing with curiosity, the deep tender and intimate way in which my body chooses to integrate.

My only task right now is to patiently hold myself with love while my mind, body and spirit reunite with its birth country.

The country I felt I never had the right to embrace.

As my soul chose to courageously follow a difficult path, nudging me to break through all man-made traditional and cultural expectations.

This path frightened me.
It frightened many.

Causing me to face deep rejection for my core need for belonging.

But, I accept it all.
With absolute new clarity.

That no one, not even God, could separate the child (body) from the mother (earth) that gave it life.

INDIA, I LOVE YOU.

And there is a deep knowing within YOU LOVE ME TOO (my rebellious quirks and all).

My wish for you

May today’s beautiful new moon eclipse remind you that even the sun, moon and earth cross each other’s paths for an embrace, a remembrance and a deep acknowledgement of the mystery of life. May you use this mysterious coincidence to ignite the fire within to create a life of new beginnings.



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